Why are many women diagnosed with ADHD so late in life?
The reason is that ADHD looks very different in girls than it does in boys. While young boys with ADHD are more prone to hyperactivity and oppositional, disruptive behavior (acting out), girls with ADHD tend to be more prone to quiet daydreaming and inattentiveness (acting in). When ADHD was first being identified in children and teens, there wasn’t yet the awareness that girls have an easier time masking and hiding their symptoms, quietly developing ways of compensating for their limitations like overpreparing and working extra hard. There’s a lot of societal pressure on women to be organized, to multitask, and to nurture others without breaking a sweat. You may have felt a lot of pressure to look like you could do it all with no problems, hiding your guilt, shame, and overcompensation.
Women with ADHD often struggle with emotional regulation, leading to issues like persistent anxiety, depression, and chronic overwhelm. Anxiety and depression are often misdiagnosed as the primary conditions, while the underlying ADHD goes unrecognized. When hormonal fluctuations during puberty, pregnancy, postpartum, or perimenopause caused an increase in your ADHD symptoms, your difficulties may have been attributed to a mood disorder, an anxiety disorder, or life stress.
Girls with ADHD have been overlooked for a very long time. You’ve been in plain sight, but you might as well have been invisible to the medical community, the educational system, society, and even to yourself.
What are some qualities of women with ADHD?
Creative, outside-the-box thinkers
Intensely empathic
Unusually perceptive about people
Good at masking emotional pain
Highly intelligent
Great at brainstorming and innovative thinking
Perfectionistic, but slow to complete things
Emotionally expressive and passionate
Warm and charismatic
People-pleasing tendencies
Highly anxious, while seeming thoroughly calm on the outside
Prone to intense, prolonged guilt after letting others down
Prone to rejection-sensitive depression
A strong tendency to judge themselves by faults and failures alone
Impatient, especially with themselves
Socially anxious
Often motivated to support, advocate for, and empower others
As a specialist in helping adult women with ADHD, here are some areas I understand and can help you with:
Your Social Functioning
You’re socially anxious — even socially avoidant. You’re prone to interrupt people, so you overcorrect in the other direction and say almost nothing. You’re easily distracted in conversation, frustrating others in your life. You’re afraid to ask people to repeat what they said or asked you to do, afraid to ask for help with things because you feel like you should already know. You’re weighed down with guilt and sadness about lost friendships and business relationships. You’re carrying a lot of shame from past social trauma that makes you think you’ll inevitably frustrate others and let them down in the end.
Your Relationship with Yourself
Broken. Lazy. A disorganized mess. Hopeless. A failure. Your inner self-talk is a constant stream of criticism. You’re quick to be there for others, but you’re extremely hard on yourself. And your inner critic seems to have endless examples of things you’ve messed up to justify the harshness. You can’t imagine thinking positively about yourself.
Your Relationship with Friends and Loved Ones
You’re MIA for important people in your life. Your problems with managing your time mean you spend less quality time than you could with your partner, family, and friends. Maybe they get frustrated with you about that, or maybe they’ve just resigned themselves to rarely hearing from you. Your relationships have been neglected, and you’ve been feeling terrible about that but unsure how to change it.
Work-Related Relationships
Great with ideas but never on time. Skilled, but scattered. Colleagues experience you as great to work with, but unreliable. They may get impatient waiting for you to meet deadlines or provide information they need. You might sense some frustration in them, mistake it for rejection, and become withdrawn and depressed (that’s ADHD rejection sensitivity). It seems like everyone has their act together but you, so your self-esteem is practically non-existent.
Your Career Path
You’re likely a late-bloomer in your career. You’re so stuck trying to meet deadlines and keep up in your current job that you don’t look ahead and find opportunities to advance. You don’t see your strengths, so you’re not achieving your full potential. Impostor syndrome keeps you from stepping into your power professionally. It’s hard to show up with confidence at an interview or see your actual potential (and reach for it) when you feel like you’re a fraud.
Now that your ADHD is in focus, it’s time for you to reach out for help that’s tailored for YOU — an adult woman with ADHD. There’s a lot to look at – many pain points to explore and heal, and just as many unappreciated aspects of yourself to discover and celebrate.
I’m here for you for all aspects of this journey, even (and especially) if you get emotional, distracted, feel embarrassed, or feel deep shame. Let me help you find calm, comfort, and community. You can, and it’s really going to help you thrive!
Let’s get going on this journey! Reach out to me today!
Benefits You Can Expect from Therapy for Women with ADHD
With therapy tailored for you as a woman diagnosed later in life with ADHD, you can experience profound changes in how you feel about yourself, your relationships, and your abilities. While each person’s journey is unique, here are some benefits you can expect:
Validation and Relief
• Understanding the Why: You’ll feel immense relief as you begin to understand that your lifelong struggles were due to ADHD, not personal failings.
• Self-Compassion: You’ll start to forgive yourself for past mistakes and struggles, seeing your challenges through a lens of neurodiversity rather than inadequacy.
Increased Confidence
• You’ll learn to manage your ADHD symptoms in ways that align with your strengths, which will boost your confidence in handling responsibilities and pursuing goals.
• You’ll begin to feel more capable and less reliant on masking or overcompensating to “keep up.”
Improved Emotional Regulation
• Therapy will provide you with tools for recognizing and managing emotional dysregulation, leading to fewer feelings of overwhelm or outbursts.
• You’ll feel more stable and balanced in your emotions, with a greater ability to handle criticism or setbacks.
Freedom from Shame
• I’ll help you to process years of internalized shame and replace it with self-acceptance.
• You’ll start to see ADHD as part of your identity—not a flaw but a unique way of experiencing the world.
Better Relationships
• You’ll develop improved communication and boundary-setting skills, leading to healthier, more authentic relationships.
• Therapy can help you to explain your ADHD to loved ones, fostering understanding and reducing conflict.
Reduced Burnout and Overwhelm
• Learning ADHD-friendly strategies for organization, time management, and prioritization will help reduce your daily feelings of chaos or always being “behind.”
• You’ll feel more in control of your life and less overwhelmed by responsibilities.
Enhanced Focus and Productivity
• I can help you to learn practical strategies to tackle procrastination, forgetfulness, and task-switching, making daily life more manageable.
Rekindled Hope and Purpose
• You’ll find the energy to rediscover passions, hobbies, or ambitions you had sidelined due to self-doubt or overwhelm.
• You’ll feel empowered to set goals and pursue them in ways that work for your unique brain.
A Sense of Community
• I’ll guide you in connecting with other amazing women with ADHD, reducing your isolation and fostering a sense of belonging.
• You’ll learn that you are not alone in your struggles!
Greater Awareness of Strengths
• Therapy will help you identify the unique strengths of your ADHD brain, such as creativity, problem-solving, or hyperfocus in areas that interest you.
• You’ll start to embrace your neurodiversity as a source of resilience and resourcefulness.
You’ll learn to live authentically and on your own terms, and this shift from surviving to thriving will be life-changing!
